I’m walking on the edge of the knife. Just waiting on the cuts to get deep enough. Waiting to see that first course of blood. That first sign. Waiting to see if I fall to either side. If the blade is sharp enough to end it or just sharp enough to cause more pain. More infection in my soul. More hopelessness. Waiting on someone to tell me to stop. But no one cares enough to tell me. No one cares enough to save me. So I keep walking….
As I type this, I know it’s not politically correct. And for that I am sorry. But I’m not sorry for how I feel. Proceed with caution.
What happened in Ferguson, Missouri is a tragedy. Regardless of the circumstances that surround it. A mother and father lost their child. Children lost a friend. There is no facet of this that is not tragic.
But, alongside this tragedy, the family is now being used for political gain. I know that racism is still alive and doing well in this country because the likes of Al Sharpton are alive and doing well. No, I will not call him Reverend. What he preaches is not love and compassion but hate and vengeance. “What do we want? Justice. When do we want it? Now!’ Familiar cries from the vultures of his ilk. How about “judge not lest ye be judged”? How about “vengeance is mine sayeth The Lord”.
Al Sharpton shows up at anything that might prolong his 15 minutes of fame. He preys on people that are suffering for his own self-righteousness. And when he’s wrong, as in the Tawana Brawley case, he leaves without a word of apology. He is a racist and bigot the likes of which bring hatred among normally peaceful people.
He is the antithesis of the great Martin Luther King, Jr. He causes people to choose a race to identify with. As a mother, I identify with Michael Brown’s mother but I’m white so it doesn’t count.
If the killing of Michael Brown was caused by racism, and I say if because I wasn’t there and all the facts aren’t in yet, then God will judge the policeman that killed him. But, he will also judge Al Sharpton.
“If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” 1 John 4:20. You would think a reverend would know that.
So many words and feelings swirling inside me. No outlet for my emotional constipation. If words were blood id slit my wrists just to let them out. To feel empty and numb for a minute. I drink away the feelings but it’s over too soon. They come rushing back like a meteor headed towards the sun, ready to make it burst and flame out forever. I take pills to numb my mind but then my skin crawls with all the feelings that are slithering over it. There’s not enough of anything but pain and anger and words. Words that used to be my escape, my consolation, have become a demon chasing me. Day and night, waiting to pounce on my weary brain and barrage me with feelings and helplessness. I wish I could edit my life like I can the words on paper. Cut out things and people and paste in others. Or just leave it blank. Sometimes blank looks good to me. No jumble. No misunderstanding. No words. Even when I sleep the words assault me. Images and distortion and longing and weeping. Words in red for anger and passion. Words in black because of the emptiness. Words in green that are envious and jealous of the actions others get. And all I get are words. The pen is mightier than the sword. The sword can take a life. But the pen, and the words that are captured with it, can take a soul or a sanity. Take my pen and give me a sword. Let me take action against action and not words against insanity and soullessness. You can lay a sword down, but once you have held the pen, the words become part of you and there’s no escaping them. Give me a sword and take this damned pen.
In today’s culture of instant 24/7 access, celebrity has a different meaning. Not only can you know what a person is doing instantaneously, but you can know their political views on a variety of social networking sites. I think it is each person’s responsibility to be socially aware of the world around us and to take part in the great debates of our times. Unfortunately, some of today’s society simply echo the sentiments of the stars of the day without doing their own research on the topics being discussed.
I’m not going to lie. I follow Ian Somerhalder on Instagram because he is severely nice looking. And, I know he has a passion for animal conservation that I agree with. But then he posted this…
iansomerhalder What Hobby Lobby and the Supreme Court think of you ladies… Have at it- pass it around, make some noise. It’s the year 2014 wtf! Or wait! Is it the year 1014? Keep em barefoot and pregnant I guess!? Population at 9 billion by mid century! Can’t feed the 7 billion we have now! But DONT WORRY EVERYONE! MONSANTO WILL FEED THE WORLD- Then! Then, we can all make lots of money off of the big pharmaceutical stocks because drug companies will be so busy feeding drugs to sick people because on genetically modified organisms! WooooHoooo! Wow can’t fuc()$& wait!
I like that Mr. Somerhalder is passionate. We should all have passion for our country and our fellow man. But, he omitted some facts. And had numerous young, impressionable people blindly agreeing with him.
Here are the facts:
- Hobby Lobby provides at no cost to their employees 16 forms of birth control including birth control pills, patches, diaphragms, condoms, etc.
- Hobby Lobby does not pay for 4 methods of birth control that they consider life ending because they are a religious based company. These are Plan B, which is also known as the “morning after pill,” Ella, another emergency contraceptive, Copper Intrauterine Device and IUD with progestin — forms of birth control that some believe can cause or are akin to abortion.
From looking at Mr. Somerhalders post, you would think that Hobby Lobby was against all manner of birth control which is not true.
The fact of the matter is, is you don’t like the benefits that Hobby Lobby chooses to offer, don’t work there. The same as if you don’t like the 50% match a company offers on 401k contributions or the dental insurance. If those 4 forms of birth control being offered to you free because the company will pay 100% of the cost is a deal breaker for you, don’t apply to work for Hobby Lobby.
Seems simple enough to me.
Great advice to become a happier person.
Many times a person gets so consumed in a relationship that they lose their identity as a person and instead rely on their significant other to define them. This is dangerous not only for him/herself but also for the other person. The pressure being responsible for anyone’s happiness is very overwhelming. Often, because we rely on others to make us feel happy, we become disappointed when they don’t meet our needs. What I’m trying to say is you can’t jump into a relationship hoping that someone will make you happy when you can’t even do it for yourself.
Answer this: would you rather be with someone who brings good, happy vibes to a relationship or be with someone who is always sulking and complaining all the time? When making someone happy becomes a duty, you just don’t want to do it anymore. From what I’ve seen, people who can be…
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I remember in fifth grade when I first got glasses. My mom driving me home and me being in wonder that you could see each leaf on the trees. I always thought trees were just green blobs on the top of poles. People say that you look at things through rose colored glasses but I disagree. I think that sometimes we look at things without our glasses on.
Sometimes we want to see things blurrily because if we see the edges and details, then they might not look how we want them to. We see that guy as the guy that, that one time, said how great you were but don’t look at the times he chose someone else. We see that girl that said she liked you but don’t look at the fact that she was posting on Facebook or twitter but couldn’t be bothered to text back. Sometimes blurry is our friend.
Seeing things without sharp edges can help on those long, lonely nights but, if you never acknowledge the edges, you can get hurt. You can spend your time playing what if instead of recognizing what is. You can let a gorgeous leaf with its edges pass you by while you’re longing after the blurry tree.
I’m not saying that, when things come into focus, they never work out because sometimes they do. But, most times, actions speak louder than words and bringing things into focus shows you flaws that you miss from far away.
Daydreaming is great. I do as much or more than most. But, if I have learned one thing, it’s that, if you spend too much time dreaming, you’ll wake up one day to discover that life has passed while you had your eyes closed.
So, take some time to dream but open your eyes and live too. Long for the blurry what ifs but embrace the clear what is’ too.